Now I know.

Now I know, it's not jealousy, it's just sadness. a slight punch in the stomach and a drought in my eyes. Maybe I'm just vulnerable to sadness when it comes to the person I like so much. Maybe that's why I build walls that no one can reach except for persons I'm willing to open my door for, maybe. I don't know. I just don't want anybody. It's not jealousy. Jealousy is when you want a person and you want that person to want you/like you/love you the way you do. I don't want that. I'm just affected. I don't care if they will love me back. I don't care if people will like me too. I really don't care. I will just love them and treat them the way I can and the way I want to. I'll be happy if they treat me the same, I'll be sad if they don't. But I will still continue to love and like them the way I want to. Until I can no more, until I'm not wasting my time, and until I know that my feelings are making them a better person. If they don't care, it's alright. But if they really don't need it, then that's the time to stop. Just reflecting again. These unique feelings are worth remembering for. When I grow up, I won't forget this silly feelings. I'll always feel, always love. It is what keeps me alive. For myself. Until I became rich! wahaha. hope to read this in the future and laugh saying, oh, I got rich and haven't loss the way I am right now. I'm gonna do a business. Gonna get business partners from my friends of before. haha. so much for Hope.

Hope but do not expect.
Hope is from the heart,
expectation is from the mind.