Louder, Laude...

It was quite painful to see and hear students being called as cum laude and all. I used to be on that stage. Even when I was in high school and chose not to excel in academics, I was awarded for making in the top finalist in the NCR. But yesterday, I was just waiting for an illusion. Nothing came up. And I knew, I was truly sad.

It was louder than any sound, being called cum laude and parents giving the medal to their child. But I guess pain starts to numb after some time. After all, it was only yesterday that I felt I was nothing special. I was just like everybody else. Now I have yet again to prove myself. To regain the confidence I have in myself. It's not called "failing" if ever I do not achieve something or got the first prize. Until I don't quit, it's not failing.

Trapped

Here I am again, back to the cage where I belong. Trapped and alone. Well, it didn't bothered me anyway... (sing "the cold never bothered me anyway) Well, it was always meant this way. After graduation, I'll be caged again. It's like I was temporarily sent to a training program on how to live outside. Then, after the training session, I'll be sent back to the cage. Well, the cage is always safe. But I hope, they are not locking it as they used to.

I just don't want anyone to join me in my trapped state and I'm sure no one would be happy in sharing my burden with them. We all live alone.

I hated the things they hate, and even without them, I'll still hate it. That's why I don't see the reason why they are trapping me. Their eyes will always be there. It's so unfair. I can't even plan my own life because of this cage. I should be working out in the morning, reading some stuff in the afternoon and going for an adventure in the evening. But all of this can't be done. Life is so unfair. If you don't accept the circumstances life has given to you, the whole earth will try to arrest you and take away all the respect you have in yourself.

Cruel life. I can't wait for the day I'll be truly independent. But it scares me. Because my brother is still living in our house. Maybe they'll expect me to do the same. Hay life.

To do the things you like you must fight for it. you must wage war. But isn't in a war, no one wins? even there is a victor, no one really wins. That's why after fighting for the things you love, after it, you will just get the trophy but you will never become a winner. Reality stinks. Better off dreaming. Gonna drown this in sleep. Zzz.

Normal again..

I just wanted her to stay.
Everyday is a gift, because another day is not an assurance. And each day one will stay, is truly a gift.
But I desired for more, I wanted to have her word of assurance that she'll stay. I must be a fool. Time flies, it's already 3am. this is bad. hais. getting dizzy. I need rice.

I cant sleep! FVCK!

TORMENTS, AGAIN AND AGAIN. BEEN BLOCKING MY MIND FOR THIS TWO DAYS BUT I CAN'T ANYMORE! SOMEONE STOP ME FROM THIS MADNESS I'M INTO. IS IT BECAUSE I'M A GUY THAT ALL MY DAMN LITTLE DEMANDS ON LOVE SHOULD BE NEGLECTED? THAT ALL MY NEEDS TO BE HEARD IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE NEEDS OF OTHERS TO BE HEARD? FVCK SOCIETY. FVCK ALL THE NOTION OF UNEQUALITY. FVCK EVERY SELFISH BITC* WHO JUST WANTED TO BE LOVED AND GIVE NOTHING IN RETURN. FVCK THOSE WHO ALWAYS JUDGE YOU. EVERY MINUTE. FCK THEM. FCK THIS SURREAL FEELINGS. FVCK EVERY FAKE FEELINGS. FVCK PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE CAREFUL IN LOVE. FVCK THOSE WHO HURT OTHERS THAT MADE THEM WORSE. FVCK THEM. THIS IS ALL MY HATE FVCK LIFE.

Sobs

It's raining tears. Fvc. The last one I'll ever love truly. One thing I've learned in life. If it is, it will be. Love will remain the same way if it is true. And I really feel that the way I love her will always be the same. It will always hope for her love in return, I'll always love her craziness. That's why I need to do this. (convincing myself -_- hais) I just hate it that we'll grow apart from now on. But we'll grow, better.
The End.

Hais, so this is how 'The End' looks like. to her it will soon be, but to me it will never be til she finds her One. This is really frustrating. gonna focus on work and play. damn it.

Chocolates

March 13,

The first day I have proven that chocolate are really an anti-depressant food. For days to come. Let's chocolate food hunt.

Graduation getting near

GRADUATION!

Feeling obnoxious..Graduation. Hope I graduate on time.

Fear. I don't know why but for the first time, I'm afraid of letting go. It's like letting go another part of you that you know it will never come back. I don't know yet what will I lose. But I know for sure, I will lose something in graduation. Memories, friends, lifestyle, etc. I don't know. But it's really weird that for the first time I don't want to move on. But I know if I will get stuck into something for now, I will never be what I wanted to be. I fear that I won't be able to grow anymore if I don't accept things like I used to. Fear. I fear, that finding work will be hard. I fear that all I've learned in college is not enough. I fear that they won't see how willing I am to learn and I fear that no one will ever know the real me.

Life Awaits.
Why do I feel it's too soon? I hope my everything is willing to adapt in the new environment I'm going to be. I'm excited. I know life is full of surprises, and some surprises are not what we hope to be. I'm not really scared, sometimes, it's just good to evaluate ourselves and look how we mold ourselves to become better. You'll be surprise that sometimes, you forget things that will make you better because forgetting them means getting stronger in the eyes of many and in your own eyess.