Grown ups

I despise myself right now. I hate it, I hate this feeling. Remember this world, I will reach the heights of my dreams, I will be successful, I will be what I wanted to be, just give me a job and my end thereof is business, don't care if my college knowledge and attainment is not enough, I will still be successful. I will never be contented until there's a chance I can improve. 

No chains will bind me, no bed will attract me and no games will fool me. I will conquer the heights of my dreams. But.. only love can destroy that dream. If God doesn't want it then I have no choice but to give up the chase for greatness. Or if it means losing her more than what we have now, then I rather lose this dream of mine. So ambitious, yet I won't rush, step by step, I can finish it. A week will not pass without any productivity. this is my vow as a Grown Up Man. GUM. a gum that lasts, may it be tasteless, but it will never disappear. This white fire of mine. 

Surprised

For the girl that I can't bring myself to hate...

Surprised that it would be an issue that would make her want me to stop. I know that what I did was wrong. But I always thought what I did was only for lust, and not something that would affect any relationship. Those who were involve, they were not real person, I can't even call them persons, except for the FEU girl who I thought that we'll share something in common.

Now I can take a deep breath. Those bad activities always hunted me. I was always regretful. I knew that I planted a bad seed and it will strike me at any moment. I thought I already passed the judgement in those wrong doings, only to find out that I harvested all the rotten seeds just today. And it turned out that it strike someone that I don't want to lose. Someone whom I can't bring myself to hate. I can't even say sorry to her, because I know that I have sinned against God and not to her. But it's so weird that she thinks I'm not being honest to her. But then, she has a point because it is still a video. There can be emotions involve and all, but still, it's kinda weird. I don't know why, but I guess I'm all over with that kind of evil activities that's why I can't shed any emotions in what I did in the past. I already said my confessions and I know I regretted it fully. I already did. That's why it's all up to her, if she could accept it or not.

My view on You

Words may not tell it, as "love" is written by others as well as you say it even just to your friends. Actions may lie, because it could be done by anyone else. Only the totality of one's action and words and intentions could "love" be identified as such.

Wind

It's easy to be swept away by the wind,
But the air is what we needed the most.
It's easy to be burned by a fire,
but the warmth is what we needed the most.

We desire for greater things
that we often forget that
what make us happy has been and has always been there.

Desert birds -Paulo Coelho

Love without ownership.

Maybe that is what love should be, but must not always be. 

Love doesn't own people, people let love own them. 

We do not own people, and we are not owned by anyone, it's just some point in our lives, we let them own us. -dronebot

Like the air, free and wild.

Yet we are just mere people, hoping to fulfill our personal legend.

But then we spill the oil that is within our grasp, awed by the marvel of the things around,

yet some were trapped in their own baggage, forgetting to look beyond the ordinary. 

Ok gonna continue reading...

FAREWELL

Natapos na ang graduation, pero parang di parin dahil di pa nagtatapos doon ang college life ko. Halos kalahati ng oras ko nung college eh kinuha ng Artistang Artlets. Pero ngayon, ngayong araw na to, dito na magtatapos lahat dahil farewell party na ng AA. Sa dami kong pinagdaanan, sa sa mga sakit, saya, tuwa, tagumpay, pagkatalo at sa halos na parang naging patay ako dahil sa isang failed subject, hindi ko lahat yun makakalimutan pero sa dami nang naranasan ko sa college life ko, naisip ko na ganun din naman kadami naranasan ko nung highschool ako. Hindi sila pwede pagkumparahin. Sabi nila mas masaya daw ang Highschool, pero siguro dahil sa AA kaya parang naging parehas lang. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit pag graduation madaming umiiyak, nalulunkot, nagpapapicture ng madami na parang may iiwan sila na ayaw nilang iwan. Siguro intinding intindi ko sila pero nakaugalian ko lang na laging mag move forward. Laging mag advance, kasi siguro kung di ako ganoon, siguro isa na ako sa mga tumutulo ang luha dahil sa pag-iwan sa college life. Siguro kung wala akong lakas ng loob na mag move forward, andun parin ako at umiiyak dahil sa nakaraan ko. siguro, hindi ko lang hinahayaan na magkaroon ako ng butas na pagsisihan lahat nang naging desisyon ko, kasi alam ko na lahat ng ito, ay may patutunguhan para sa mas maganda kong kinabukasan. Pero ngayon, ito na talaga ang simula ng kinabukasan ko, ang resulta ng lahat ng nangyari sa nakaraan ko, kung paano ko haharapin ang bawat problema ay dahil iyon sa nakaraan ko, at sigurado ako na sapat na ang nadaanan ko nakaraan, para pumili ako ngayon ng mga desisyon na ikakatagumpay ko. Siguro, Sana. Farewell Past...